My Beloved

February 27th

Do you like to spend time with your beloved?
If you have free time, don't you feel like sprinting off to see your beloved?

What would you do if your beloved say,

"I'm engaged on weekends."
"You'd better find somebody else."

You look at your watch while we are together.
We are together and you have a family to go home to.

At 5 in the morning I awakened from my dream
Of my beloved
With a feeling of anxiety,
The light bulb left on was illuminating my sweating heart.
How long will I go to sleep by myself?

Today is Sunday,
It's a beautiful day of Tokyo Marathon.

I wait all the time
In the same space, in the same room, all the time, hour by hour.
It's natural since I can't walk, but
I wish I could have a rendezvous with you just like lovers do
Dressed up.

KP opened the door with the key.
I was getting ready to go out.
"Tokyo Marathon is going on.  It could be difficult to go to Ginza."
"I see.  Then I won't go."
It was so simple to justify not going out.

KP kindly did laundry for me.
His way was so different from my way.
Just as his ways to live and to think are so different from mine.
We argued over how to do laundry.

I can't walk, I can't cook, I can't clean, I can't shop.
I can't do anything.
I'm tired of not being able to do anything.
I'm tired of waiting all the time.
I want to die.  I don't want this body of lead.

I got upset again.
And took out on you.
I've decided to be good and
I was thoughtless.

We had a dinner at a restaurant nearby.
I drank two glasses of shochu.
KP drank beer and sake.
Both of us got flushed and tipsy

You have a family to go home to.
KP locked the door behind, leaving me collapsed on the floor,
Begging you not to go yet.  You've closed the door to my voice.

What happened?
The bathroom is flooded.
I can't clean it up.  I can't mop it up.
But I have to do something.
I have to figure out a way.

I managed to get paper towel, rags, and cleaning agent,
with my immobile body
I sat on the bathroom floor
Immobile legs, Immobile torso
Sweating, my body of lead cleaned the bathroom.
One hour passed.
I did it,  I cleaned it.  I pated myself on the back.

Well, now, how do I stand up.
With hands, I paddled
My body slithered on the floor with
My legs trailing twisted and crooked like an old tree.

I managed to get to the bed.
I hoisted my upper body up on the bed, then kicked against the wall, and pulled myself up
With the determination of a caterpillar wiggling out of the cocoon.
Gasping, suffering.
I needed to rest.

I wish KP were here, even for five minutes.
With him beside me, my misery would be a long distance away.
But you have a family to go home to.
My dream has come true.

The dream and the reality were mixed up in my immobile body.
Sorry for taking out on you.
You didn't do anything.

I hope tomorrow will be a good day
For you and for me.

Poem by Maria Franki

Edited and Translated by J. Ujiie

©2011