Disconnect

April 14th

7:00

Shaken straight up from the deep underground
That is how I woke up
Without even a moment between sleep and wakefulness.

The morning ritual of every day till I die
Toileting assistance
It means I am alive, but ...

One and half hour's sleep
Rather than a sleepless night, it was a sleepless morning.

10:00
The single bed was delivered.
With the width of 85cm (33.5 inch), it is narrower than single.
It's a hospital type home care bed.
I used to sleep on a king size bed, rolling over as many times as I liked,  joie de vivre.
Since then, my life has changed more than a little.

KP said,
"It has changed."
Knowing what he meant, I still ask, "What has changed?"

His mind has changed.
His heart has changed.
We have changed.
We can't see where our relationship is going anymore.
And it is my body that has changed most.

"It is inconceivable."
"What is inconceivable?"
"..."

I am sorry that
I can't be a cool woman for you anymore.
I am sorry that
I can't be there for you carefree and happy.

But, I can still see you
I am grateful for the time we spend together,
Even though I don't deserve to see you in this condition.

I want to get along with
My time.
The precious time to live to the fullest
A short and sharp life to live.

"We could see each other as long as three hours," you say.
"We could see each other only for three hours," I say.

There is a disconnect between our love.
There is a disconnect between a man and a woman.

If we always play nice to each other, we will be really cozy with each other.
I was happy to see you on the first day home.

Poem by Maria Franki

Edited and Translated by J. Ujiie

© 2011