Magic Bullet

I met Mr. K first time on January 15th.
At a neighborhood Korean Restaurant
He was drinking makgoli sitting next to us.


We were eating our favorite dish as usual.
I don't remember how it happened.
A conversation struck naturally in a small homey restaurant.


Mr. K had a health food which he claimed might cure "it."  
Mr. K elaborately argued for its efficacy and potency.
Honestly, who would take pills given by a stranger?


However, the illness I am afflicted with has no known cure.
It is progressing and the future is looking break.
I jumped off the deep end and took the pills.
I met Mr. K by chance.  It was not like he came to knock on my door.


Half believing, half with reservation, I went to see Mr. K at Sanuki Kaikan Hotel.


Since the chance meeting, I bought the pills.  
It is my decision and so be it.


Instead I ponder on the invisible world, where eventuality, inevitability, synchronicity and serendipity happen.


I am afflicted with ALS.
Every morning I wake up to find something I can not do anymore.
I can not walk over bumps any more.
I can not reach up for things on the high shelves.
Such an everyday movement makes me aware the way I become to be unable to.
That is the everyday life I live.
That is the fate I have to accept.


I discovered "the health food which might cure it" by chance.  I feel it could be a gift from heaven.  If I take it at all, I rather believe it cures.  That's how I feel.


I live everyday at the mercy of the fate.  Let the fate guide me to the consequence of the magic bullet.


That was what I thought in Sanuki Kaikan Hotel.  Next time I come here I will try their udon noodle.  

Poem by Maria Franki

Edited and translated by J. Ujiie

©2011

Sister and Niece

February 6th


Ms. Grasshopper, the documentary director, came at 11:15, with a camera.
My sister Kimi and my niece Yuka were coming from my hometown today.
The doorbell rang.


My sister arrived with red-eyes.
I fought back my tears
Deep in the nostrils I felt a sting.


Mom sent me a big hug through my sister.
My sister and Mom held me tight in her arms.
I couldn't hold it back anymore
I cried like a child.
The camera was rolling.


My sister bought me pajamas, so cute.
I love it, the color and style.  She knows my taste.
Thank you, Thank you.


Are they on board the super express already?
1 hour and 40 minutes to my hometown.
It's close while far and it's far while close, my hometown.
But I want to stay in tokyo for a while
As long as my life allows.

Poem by Maria Franki

Edited and translated by J. Ujiie

copyright 2011

Taking a Walk

February 5th


On a winter day with soft sunshine
I went out to stroll in a wheelchair for the first time.
The shopping promenade was busy with people.
With my eyes at one metre above ground
The street I see was different from the one 
I walked down when I was healthy.
Things are placed above the one meter line and 
I have to look up all the time.
My neck started hurting.
KP pushed the wheelchair from the behind.
I felt your love on my back.


We watched Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps.
The familiar scene of Manhattan, New York.
I spotted the apartment building I used to live in on the screen.


After movie dinner
Carpaccio with Balsamic Vinegar was delish.
I have to savor every dish I have.
The day will soon be here.  I will not be able to eat.


At midnight
I let KP go.
See you later, see you again, see you later, see you again,
I can't say goodbye properly
'Cause I'm afraid of night.

Poem by Maria Franki

Edited and translated by J. Ujiie

copyright 2011

After the Banquet

When in New York, Maria worked for a quasi-government organization, where she acquainted with fellow expatriates.  Many of them were Japanese government and industry officials who were stationed at the same organization.  After they returned to Japan, they kept in touch by having an annual reunion.  Maria was one of the regulars to attend.


One of the attendees took a photo of Maria that day and e-mailed it to somebody I knew.  He in turn forwarded it to me.  It was how I came to know Maria was diagnosed with ALS, given one year to live.


In the photo, Maria was on a wheelchair with a bouquet of flowers on her lap, holding center stage with a mike.  She looked just like how she was always, radiant and happy.


Naively I believed her demeanor.


Several months later she confided in me in a frail voice.
One of the attendees asked her if what she had was communicable.
"Don't be silly, it is not," she shrugged off, taking as a joke.
"Thank goodness," he said.


It hurt, she confided.
Yes, It must have hurt deep.

By J. Ujiie

New York Reunion Party

February 3rd


I feel somewhat embarrassed.
It takes nerve to appear in a wheelchair.


The elevator arrived at the 8th floor.
The door to the banquet hall opened.
I felt as if in the spotlight.
I felt extremely embarrassed.
'Cause I can't walk.


"Maria is here.  Please deliver your opening address for us."
Please, I've just arrived.
Do you expect me to talk into the mike?  
Oh, No! everybody would hear me.


Silence
I'm good at speaking
Once I know the subject
I can talk this and that
from the onset to a wheelchair.
Well done.
Applause


The sense of embarracement turned into a sense of familiarity.
I felt happy to see you all.
This could be the last time
Tears welled up in my eyes
Each has his/her own memories of New York.


Thank you for your encouragement.
Thank you for your smile.
Thank you for the flowers.


After the party, some came to my place
In Azabu Juban
Beer, potato chips and laughter
The camera is rolling
Till 1:00 AM.   I had a good time.
See you again
At "Club Maria" I open here at my place
To spread the circle of love.

Poem by Maria Franki

Edited and translated by J. Ujiie

copyright 2011

Girls Talk

February 1st

Woke up to see
Sun light through pink curtains.
It came to me I was discharged yesterday.
I wanted to remain still for a little while enjoying 
The sun light in my own room.


Remained still too long, it's already noon.
Naoko came during her lunch break
I'm psyched.


When can I return to work?
I smelled the air of the office on Naoko.


3:00 pm
The representative of the home helper services came
To explain and discuss.


18:30


Maho came
With take-out food 
Maho drank white wine
I drank beer and shochu.


Girls talk started.
What did we talk about?
You know what girls talk about.
From a little naughty girl to a femme fatal
From a snow queen to a snake girl
Since the ancient time, the mystery of man and woman unchanged.


I dreamed
Taking the last breath in your arms, held against your chest.

Poem by Maria Franki

Edited and translated by J. Ujiiie

©2011

February

Maria has been engaged in wide variety of activities and social issues.  She has decided to explore the issue of healthcare system through her personal experience with ALS.  She proposed TV production companies a project to document her journey.  One of them agreed to produce a documentary.  


The camera woman and the director, Inago aka Ms.Grasshopper, follow Maria, filming her everyday life.  


In February, Maria still reports to her office when she is well enough.  She actively attends social meetings and seminars in a wheelchair.


A home helper service is retained to assist her with housekeeping.


Maria has a sister, Kimi, and a close cousin, Kyoko, whom she also calls Sis.
They live in her hometown far outside of Tokyo, where Maria's mother lives.


Maria has a friend she calls MAMA, or matron.  MAMA is not her mother.
Maria also calls her colleague and friend, Naoko, ma.


Her mother, Mom, is in 90s and lives in Maria's hometown with her sister Kimi.


KP is a man Maria has been dating since before the diagnosis.

by J.Ujiie