Day 12 in Hospital

May 25th


10:00 in the morning
J came
In a purple T-shirt


Today is the day to take a shower
From 10:30-11:00 
30 minutes
Sharp


Immobile,
Having myself undressed
By rolling over
This way, that way, this way, and again


Upsy-daisy
It takes two nurses to
Move me from bed on to a shower gurney,
Rolling me over


Constrained by space,
Move the chair out
Move the overbed table
7 minutes has elapsed already


Quick! Hurry!
To the shower room.
Adjust temperature and adjust water pressure
Shampoo and rinse away, shampoo and rinse away
Hair conditioner is strawberry scented.


Washcloth soupy and lathery；
The shower bed shape of canoe；
My lying body enclosed by four walls,


I wanted to wash out
Slimy residue of soap and hair conditioner
To feel squeaky-clean and fresh,
Only to knock against the walls of canoe.
Ever cloudy water
Never runs clean
I learned what being out of my power meant
Just by taking a shower
All by taking a shower


From undressing to
Returning home to the bed in the hospital room,
The routine goes
On the shower day in hospital in
30 minutes sharp.


The Attending Physician told me to
Call a family meeting.
Today is the day.


Sis Kimi
Sis Kyoko
Together they came.


The counseling room
They alone were called in
What? Without me?
It shouldn’t be
Without me.


After 10 minutes
I was called in
To confirm.


Tracheotomy
Mechanical ventilation
You opt out, don’t you?
In the presence of Sisters,
Yes
I confirmed.


Around the clock
Monitoring you will need.
Yes
I confirmed.


Less hospitals and facilities
I can chose from.
Healthcare situation
In Japan.
A medically displaced person I become.


NIPV.
Noninvasive Positive Pressure Ventilation.
Trial fitting.
It facilitates my breathing
A machine that assists life.


From J. in the purple T-shirt
Qi flows in
Thinly breathing me,
Concentrated qi flows in.
I felt like talking about my soul.

Poem by Maria Franki

Edited and translated by J. Ujiie

©2011