Day 9 in Hospital

May 22nd


Pressing a nurse call button
marks the beginning of a day.


A portable toilet
I use these days
Comes in handy
Requires one less step
To move my body


From bed straight to the toilet
Without getting on the wheelchair.


Near or far, small or large
Any movement is assisted by
Hands of others.
And yet
It taxes my ever waning strength.


With my arms around your shoulders
I hang and hold on to you.
That’s what I do,
All what I can do.


For the weakened trunk
The head is too heavy to support.
The chest weighs down on
The heart and lungs and
I break out in cold sweat
Screaming.


What was I thinking?
I can’t go to restaurants anymore.
Silly me.
I can count places I can’t go
To see a movie
To class
To the places of everyday life.


Mari came with her home-made pickles.
Cucumbers and carrots.
Taste of home reminded me of
An ordinary, everyday life.


While eating dinner
I had a fit of cough with
A dry piece of white fish caught in my throat.


Immediately I used a nebulizer.
I’m getting better at navigating between life and death.
It’s all about timing.
Pronto!


Two hours has past.
Slowly
Very slowly
The storm of wet cough has
Died down.


Hoping two more puffs via the nebulizer
Would chase away another sleepless night
By keeping the airway open.
No more wheezing
A quiet hospital room
Only echoes of a groan
I made, alone.


I wonder
how my condition will change.


Progression or transformation?
Little by little

Something is changing

Inside.

Poem by Maria Franki

Edited and Translated by J.Ujiie

©2011