Tremor of Heart

May 11th


Today this apartment
10 people came in and out
From 7 am to 10 pm
Asthma attacks
Gasping for air


A mere act of talking,
Eating
Triggers asthma.


I’m alone
Without eating
Without talking
I spent the night
Waiting for the storm to
subside.


The night was long.
I woke
Time and again
Only to find it was still before the dawn.


My body pressed on the bed, like lead
I want to turn over to the right
I want to turn over to the left
Those wants and needs
Turned despair.


I can move fingers
I can move the neck a little.
Shoulders have some movement.
I can brush my teeth.


Abdomen
Chest
Back
I can breathe.


Jaws
Muscles of mastication
Muscles of swallowing
I can eat.


Tongue
Lips
Vocal cord
I can talk.


I can breathe.
I can eat.
I can groom
I can talk
I can write a mail.


Those are all I can do
Now at the most
While taking time.


Tremble
When eating
When writing
My fingers, my hands, my arms


Sometimes my heart
Trembles
And quivers.


Inch by inch
Bit by bit
Without fail
My body teaches me a lesson.


A bottle cap
A shampoo dispenser pump
Lids of plastic containers.


Before I knew it
I had trouble with
Before I knew it
I could not handle.


Between yesterday and today
Only 24 hours
At which point did I
Lose it?


I say goodbye to
What I could do
With a wistful sense of
loss.


My heart trembles
And quivers.


Farewell is
Not easy to say.

Poem by Maria Franki

Edited and translated by J. Ujiie