Hospital Again

February 25th

Appointment at 11:30
I left for the hospital with Naoko ma.
Following the white line on the floor
to the neurology department.
Examination room 127.

Tracheotomy, Yes or No.
What?
So soon?

Before the day comes when you can not swallow by yourself.
Before the day comes when you can not breathe by yourself.
You have to prepare for the day
While you still can.

Moving
Manpower
Paperwork
Change of the primary doctor
Change of thenursing care provider
Application for social services

The reality hit me.
I was putting off the end of my life.
My life was all in my mind.
I am a patient with intractable illness.
My eyes have been closed to the reality.

To organize my worldly possession is to organize the numbered days.

I stopped by at Tower Prince
The early blooming cherry blossoming in bright pink.
Spring like wind was blowing.
This could be the last time I see cherry blossoms.
I will miss it.

I ate meat spaghetti.
Vanilla Ice Cream and Ceylon Tea.
I have a healthy appetite and how could I organize the numbered days.

I reported to the office in the afternoon.
It's great to be able to work.
I'm doing great.

Kato came to pick me up
to my desk.
15:30
It's little too early but I ended today's work.

Naoko ma taught Kato how to handle the wheelchair.
It's pretty challenging to fold and open, while assisting unstable me to get on a taxi.

He accompanied me to home.
Coat, bag, this goes to the fridge, that goes to the bedroom.
Kato took a good care of me.
Sorry and Thanks.

Kato came back with sushi.
Chu-toro,  scallops, plum cucumber, abalone, arch, and sweat shrimp
Beer for Kato.
Lemon Chuhai for me.
Cheers.  It has been a long time.

Kato does R&D for a phermaceutical company.
Neurons and synapses, involuntary nerve and voluntary nerve.
Medical knowledge won't make my muscles move.
Inside the brain there is a space larger than the universe.
Micro and Macro converge somewhere in the universe.
I've thought so since I was a child.

Kato’s face grew red.
Beer face.
He cleaned up still while being red.

"You may send out an SOS to me at any time"
"Thank you Kato."

Poem by Maria Franki

Edited and Translated by J. Ujiie

©2011