Friday afternoon, about 1:30, I got a call from Sis Kyoko.
I knew it before I heard the news. The time has come. "... Mari. Maria just passed away at 12: 55."
Naoko ma, Inagaki Director (a.k.a. Ms. Grasshopper) and I rushed over to be at the encoffinment ceremony, scheduled at 5:00pm. Inagaki Director stopped filming Maria when she moved to the hospice. Her family didn't want her film Maria in her deteriorated condition. Maria had said to her, "I want you to film to the end. Please make it a good documentary." Between the family's wish and her promise to Maria, Inagaki's mind must have been wavering. However, she explained that she couldn't find words to convince the family to be left behind. Too considerate you are, Ms. Grasshopper.
Nothing could have been done. Sister Kimi held off everybody just like a lioness protecting her cubs. Naoko ma and I could sense the invisible fences she placed around Maria.
So Ms. Grasshopper rushed over from her heart, not as a job.
We've become sisters with a deep bond.
5 o'clock in the afternoon, Maria was lying on the bed. Bathed soon after passing, she was brought back to the bed clean and warm. She didn't look suffering any more and people belived she was sleeping in peace.
Then, with the makeup kit she had prepared for this occasion, including her trademark false eyelashes, she got her makeup done by a nurse.
She was dressed in the outfit she had chosen for this day and brought from her home in Azabu Juban a week ago, when she believed she would have more time and chose a dress for autumn, her favorite one with a bow on the front.
Ave Maria by Bob was playing. Sweet and wistful.
Sis Kimi gently said, "Please take a look at her face."
Sis Kimi's look was softened and serene. You protected her well, Sis Kimi. Good job.
She told us about Maria's last moments.
Maria had been breathing, with regular up and down movements of the lower jaw. Then she breathed in deep. "Hang in, Maria," Sis said to her and her chest deflated as she let out the air. "You can't go on anymore, can you?" "You fought well." That was Maria's time.
At 5 o'clock, at encoffinment ceremony, Maria's cheek I touched gently was cold and I couldn't stop crying.
by Mari
edited and translated by J. Ujiie
その時
金曜の午後、1時半くらい。家にいた私の携帯に京子おねえちゃんから電話。
少しの間でわかっちゃった。その時が来た「…まりちゃん。まりあちゃん、今、亡くなりました。12時55分でした。」
夕方5時の納棺式に間に合うように、なおかーさん、と稲垣Dとかけつけた。稲垣Dはまりあちゃんがホスピスに来て具合が悪くなってからは、もうカメラを回していない。「こんなに弱った姿を撮ってほしくない」という家族の思い、「最後まで撮ってね。いいドキュメンタリーにしてね。」と言っていたまりあちゃんとの約束。心はずっと揺れたままだったはず。でも、残される家族を説得する言葉を見つけることができなかったって。やさしすぎるんだ、いなごちゃん。
仕方なかった。お姉さんは子を守る母ライオンみたいに誰も近寄らせなかったものね。目に見えない檻が私や尚子さんにも見えたもの。
だから、仕事じゃなく、心から駆け付けてくれた。
もう、すっかり仲間。深い絆できてます。
夕方5時、まだベットにまりあちゃんは寝てて、あれからすぐ綺麗にお風呂に入れてもらい、ホカホカになって戻ってきたらしい。もう苦しそうじゃなくて、安らかで眠っているに違いないって思ったって。
それから自分で準備してあった化粧品一式と大事な大事なつけまつげを看護婦さんがメイクしてくれた。
一週間前に麻布十番の家から、今日のこの日に選んで持ってきた服を着せてもらう。その時はもう少し先だと信じていたから、選んだのは秋物のワンピース。お気に入りのリボンが胸にあるやつ。
ボブの演奏する「アヴェ・マリア」が流れてる。優しくて悲しい。
お姉さんが優しく言った「見てやってね」
顔が穏やかに優しくなってる。よく守ったね。キミおねえちゃん、お疲れさま。
まりあちゃんの最後の様子を教えてくれた。
それまで規則正しく顎を上下させていた呼吸だったのに、大きく深呼吸みたいに胸で吸い込んだ。「頑張って。まりあちゃん」と声をかけると、「ふぅー」としぼんで行く胸。「もう、頑張れない？」「がんばったね」
それが、まりあちゃんのその時でした。
納棺式、夕方５時、そっと最後にふれた、まりあちゃんの頬、冷たくて、私は涙が出て止まらなかった。
by Mari
No comments:
Post a Comment