A Dream of the Days Long Gone

March 17th

I failed to

Stand up from the bed.

I planted both feet on the floor and

Pushed away the bed with both hands to raise myself up...

Oops, I failed.

Watch out!

On the spur of the moment I fell back on to the bed.

If I had fallen forward, I would have hit my head and died.

I've learned what it means not to have working muscles.

Yes I know I have ALS, but this is my first time.

I can't tell when I fall until the last moment.

I waited for Ms. Moriwaki, the housekeeper, on the bed

With my body lying in a twist, I couldn't reposition myself to stand up.

I waited for Ms. Moriwaki lying twisted.

I'm cold.

I can't reach for the blanket.

Ms. Moriwaki came.

She helped me to move to the shower.

I took a shower on a chair.

My left arm wouldn't rise.

I shampooed my hair, praying for no more earthquake.

It smells good, this shampoo.

Poem by Maria Franki 

Maria's day starts like this.  Every morning she finds something she can't do anymore, and waits for somebody come quietly and patiently.  And she appreciates something so ordinary for us, like the smell of her shampoo.

Then her day starts to get busy.  Her colleagues, her friends, her home care providers come one by one.  On this day, after Ms. Moriwaki, the housekeeper, left, her friends from the work, Naoko ma and Ms. Ijichi came bringing lunch for her.  With lunch they brought pieces of her life before illness, laughter, gosship, political discussion, etc.

They left.

A registered nurse and a physical therapist came from the visiting nursing station.    From now on they will come twice a week for check up and physical and occupational therapy.

They left.

Then a nursing care worker came.  They will come to assist her on weekends.  There are only few nursing care providers available for weekend services.  Usually family members can provide care on weekends.  Maria does not have a family.

They left.

Mari came.  She always brings her home cooked meal.   On this day, she brought soup with pork.  Maria   recognised that the soup was full of love.

Mari left for work.

Ms. Moriwaki came again.  Maria used the bathroom in a wheelchair Naoko ma brought. It's better than using a pipe chair.

Ms. Moriwaki left.

After everybody left, the room is suddenly quiet.

Beyond the curtains, it's already pitch dark.

I met new people.

If I were not ill, I couldn't know those wonderful people.

KP came.

He placed me in a wheelchair and I traveled all over the apartment.

Using a wheelchair to move around in the apartment would work.

I'll try not to complain much.

We ordered sushi from Matsukan Sushi Restaurant

We were happy with the quality and quantity.

Where did the fish come from?

The beautiful scenery, the beautiful sea, a fishing village with abandance, my home town.

It reminds me of the earthquake.

I'll see you again, Mr. Mayor

Hang in there.

At night another earthquake.

I'm scared.

It's reassuring to have KP beside me.

It's really assuring to have somebody with me.

I wish I had a family.

I should have created Maria's family.

A dream of the days long gone

I talked to Bob

Today.

Poem by Maria Franki

Edited and translated by J.Ujiie

©2011