Just 4 cm, All 4 cm

March 16th

The overnight guest, Kochi, left at 5:30 am.
"What should I do?"
It's not even 6:00am.
It's too early to call MAMA.
I can't get up without assistance.
Well, it's all about call of nature.

I tried to stand up by myself only to find
My left leg fail.
I can't stand up.
It's impossible to walk.

Walking and going to the bathroom, I gave up on and
Went back to sleep.
I dozed off lightly and had a pale dream.

8:00am
MAMA came to
Rescue.
I complained to MAMA that
I'd been waiting for her to do this and that and
I couldn't walk anymore.

MAMA sat next to me, and laid her hand over me quietly
With silent tears.

I hold onto MAMA and placed myself on a black folding chair,
Beneath the chair, a bath mat was placed to
prevent scratching the floor.
Slowly and deliberately, MAMA moved the bath mat,
With the bath mat, moved the chair, and with the chair, moved me.
In the same way Mari and Naoko ma move me,
With my feet drooping.

10:30 am
The local government disability certification officer
Came to appraise my home care grade.
Re-appraisal was necessary since my disability progressed.
I was grateful that my case worker Kikuchi attended the review.

The housekeeper Ms. Moriwaki came
She is my hands and feet.
When I see her face every morning, I feel relieved.

In the afternoon, I am left alone.
When I'm not working, I am always alone.
I might not be able to work.  This could be it.  I'm afraid I won't be able to go on.
I'm turning into a has-been.

Ms. Grasshopper stopped by.
The 4cm board I declined since I couldn't walk anyway,
the board to step over 8cm difference of the floor height
I changed my mind again and asked her to buy it for me.
The store was already closed.
I can't step over 8 cm
Because I couldn't make up my mind.
When she said she would go to buy.

Dusk.  Left alone. Azabu Juban, in the room.
I'm hungry, I said to myself.
To the fridge in the kitchen, less than 5 meter away  I can't walk,  I can't reach.

Watanabe and Ando came
Onigiri, Mari's home cooked meat, potato with fish roe
Japanese tea.
I finally had today's dinner.
Gochisosama.

Midnight
I practiced to
Walk to
The bedroom
15 steps
gasping for air
over barrier of 8 cm
One step at a time.

Poem by Maria Franki

Edited and translated by J. Ujiie

©2011