The night before, Maria was facing a daunting challenge of holding her bladder overnight. Her friend assisted her to go to the bathroom at 7:00 pm and left. Maria was expecting her boyfriend would come to help her later. She got an email informing that he would not come and she was feeling at a loss.
A sense of urgency I had, it is true.
For a person who can't walk, call of the nature is a compelling matter.
Even though I know I should not hold off relieving myself
I hold back drinking water and eating.
If you ever hold it you would understand
The sensation of holding a full bladder made me think
It was better not to drink or to eat
That was the best solution ...
One of her friends, Yuri, read Maria's blog entry and came to rescue after midnight. She stayed for a while till Maria calmed down and went back to sleep.
Maria was surprised by the quick response to her blog entry. "Thank you from my heart for reading my blog. When Maria is no more, I hope you will remember me even a little," she wrote.
Early morning, in the really early morning
I heard the scrape of a key in a lock.
KP came.
I am half asleep
Feeling relief
I am delighted in full.
"Why didn't you come?"
"I have my reasons."
Yes, each life has reasons
You have yours and I have mine.
I'm sorry that I am pigheaded.
Blame my glibness.
ALS... the day will come when I can't talk, eat,
Pout, nor laugh.
I will be immobile.
That was what came to my mind while pigheaded and
I felt sad all the more and
I picked on you
In a wrong way.
I want you to share
I just want you to pretend to share
That's enough for me.
The full size bed is not suitable for nursing.
I do understand.
The classy headboard is too high to
pull me up with shoulders.
The hand rails on both sides would make it easier
to roll over.
I noticed now.
I called to exchange for a single bed.
How long I would be able to live in this apartment?
My life and my toilet problem are both
In Fate's hand.
Poem by Maria Franki
Edited and translated by J. Ujiie
©2011
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