Progression of Symptoms

March 14th

I woke up to severe twitching characteristic of ALS
Fleeting twitches of the muscles in the back, chest and arms.
The twitching is getting more severe these days,
Followed several days later by weakness and atrophy.
I know because I have eight months of experience.

This morning, I fell
In the bedroom.
Ms. Grasshopper carried me back to the bed.
The morning when I can't walk has finally come.
Ms. Grasshopper left for work.

MAMA will come in a while.
I'm afraid to walk, so I wait still.
If I fall, it's over.
Neither of my right arm nor left arm has strength.

Naoko ma called.
I told her the progression of symptoms.
Informed, the caseworker came immediately.
Since the phone is dead, he came to my apartment directly.

My care schedule should be changed accordingly.
Without assistance, I can not go about my daily life.
I was made aware of,  I was assured of, once again.
I AM disabled.

8 months ago, I could do anything by myself.
It is an illusion now.
I believed I would get well,  I wanted to believe,  for the past 8 months.
Silly me.
Pollyanna, I was.

My caseworker, Kikuchi, worked out my care schedule.
I run out of breath when I speak.  My symptoms progresses as the Doc predicted.
Is my body varacious or was it the doctor?

Kikuchi left and MAMA left.
I was left alone.

My ex-husband, Bob, called.
We talked about Fukushima, Power plant, meals
We talked about this and that for more than two hours.

Then we got to the heart of the matter,
Why did we end up splitting up.
After all these years, all the more reason things we could tell.
Neither of us utter the word, love.
It is better that way.  That will do.

7:30 pm
Mari came with
Chinese style vegetable soup.
It was good.
Steaming hot.
With steamed buns.
It reminded me of Chinatown in NY.

We had fun together in NYC.
Good old days.
Anyway, somehow I am happy now.
You cooked this delicious meal for me.

If we have a reunion in the heaven,
"Maria, you would be the happiest one."
Mari said.
Loved by everybody.
Is that so?  It could be so.  My feelings went round and round.
I'll be waiting, up above the sky.

CM came back on TV.
Until yesterday, they only reported 100% earthquake news.
In such a way, people's memory fades, and the mind prepares itself to move on.
The news flow away vainly.

Just like the life does.
It stays in the world for a while, and then it flows away.

Mari stays over in the living room.
Tomorrow morning, I'll say good morning, cheerfully.

Poem by Maria Franki

Edited and translated by J. Ujiie

©2011